What Are Boundaries and Why Do They Matter?

Boundaries define where you end and another person begins. They protect your time, energy, values, and emotional well-being. At their core, boundaries are about respect—a way of saying, “This is what I need to feel safe and supported.”

For many of us from collective cultures, boundaries feel foreign or even wrong. In our upbringing, family always came first, and saying no to elders felt disrespectful. We may never have seen our parents assert space for themselves; rather, they were often railroaded by extended family or friends. Setting boundaries can feel like a betrayal or a threat to relationships.

South Asian therapist Dr. Ammara Khalid shares that she rarely said no growing up. For her, asserting needs often felt disrespectful, even selfish. She reframes boundaries this way: they are not acts of rejection but invitations for mutual respect (Khalid, 2023, On Being Brown with Boundaries).

Another South Asian writer reflects on how boundary-setting is often dismissed as spoiled or Westernized. She reframes it instead as an act of emotional self-care that deepens connection rather than breaks it.

The reality is that many of our families may never fully understand what it means to set boundaries. And that’s okay. Boundaries are not about convincing others, they’re about asserting what you need. Boundaries signal that you care enough about yourself, and about the relationship, to protect both. They are bridges—not walls.

Boundaries can be as simple as saying:

• “I need some time before I can give you an answer.”

• “I can help, but only for an hour.”

• “I appreciate your advice, but I need to make the decision myself.”

Healthy boundaries are acts of love, both for yourself and for those you care about. They allow you to show up with clarity, less resentment, and deeper respect.

Learning to set them takes time, especially when there was no model for it in your family. Therapy offers a space to practice boundary language, explore the guilt that comes with it, and learn that protecting your well-being doesn’t break bonds, it strengthens them.

References

Khalid, A. (2023). On being brown with boundaries. RIA Psychological Services. https://www.riapsychologicalservices.com/blog/on-being-brown-with-boundaries

RIA Psychological Services. (2023). On being brown with boundaries. https://www.riapsychologicalservices.com/blog/on-being-brown-with-boundaries